I got quite excited as I saw this steaming ring a couple of weeks ago (a sculpture by Oliafur Eliasson at Ordrupgård museum, outside Copenhagen). At first, my shame hindered me from joining the kids playing around the art piece. However, as soon as the steam went back on, I stopped hesitating: I ran and jumped through the ring!
Both the children and their parents showed suprised and amused faces but, with no further adue, the kids rapidly threw themselves through the sculpture with loud laughters. To me, this silly act was not just funny; it also became a symbol for daring to jump into my life - as it presents itself to me.
The last couple of weeks have been particularly challenging. My dad suddenly got to the hospital, and I was confronted with the vulnerability of life and ageing. At the same time, the aftermaths of my divorce took an unexpected turn that shows to be more complicated than I had hoped for. Unpleasant truths and the weight of extra legal constraints are knocking at my door and easily keeping me awake for some hours at night. A few weeks later, a major fall-out happened with one of my closest friends, leaving me in a confused and disturbed place.
Luckily, my dad came out and is doing much better. As for the rest, time will tell and things will change. More generally, I’ll show up the best I can. We humans, myself included, can mess it up. I also remind myselt that most of us, I believe, try to do their best all the time. Even if I think that their best is not good enough, leaning onto the seducing idea that it’s only the other person’s fault - or anyone’s fault for that matter - leads to nowhere but a phallacy.
Life is beautiful and, sometimes, life is incredibly hard too. The good news is that, you and I, and everyone around us, are made for this; no matter how bad it seems. Perhaps it’s naive of me, but I like to believe that every situaton carries something for me to learn, grow and maybe wake up from.
Maybe it is time to change something, walk into the open door, or jump through the ring?
Mindfulness teachers and yoga sages said that dukkha, suffering, was a product of the mind. There are circomstances, more or less pleasant, more or less lucky; we can all agree. Instead of blaming the external conditions (or others), noticing our response to those represents a first step towards liberation - from suffering.
A second step is to realize that most suffering comes from the blocking of the physical and emotional experience a given situation brings up in us. Let’s suppose an unwanted event occurs. Most likely, it will trigger discomfort (e.g. a feeling hard to hold or acknowledge like anger or sadness). To avoid discomfort, we rush to the mind to fix it (e.g. blame the other or resonate ourselves away from the moment) or distract ourselves. In general, we did not learn to welcome our emotions without fixing or dismissing them. There lies the source of suffering.
Science shows that a feeling, even unpleasant, moves through our body within 90 seconds, but only if we allow it. Of course, if we go through something particularly challenging, our sadness or anger won’t go away after one and a half minute. And yet, if we keep allowing it each time it surfaces, discomfort might last less and less.
Naturally, I am not intending to diminish that people might have done something hurtful or unacceptable to you or me. Rather than the story, however valid it might be, I am drawing attention to the possibility to slow down and make space for the feelings as they happen in the body - alone or with a professional.
For example, as I am writing this newsletter, I am aware of the drama going on in my mind due to the events I referred to earlier. Instead of ruminating the same narrative, I am tending to the sensations. I am noticing the physicality of stress and anxiety (i.e. a tension in my chest and arms, a slight shivering in my chest muscles) and my breath. Although my thoughts do not stop, making space for the unpleasant sensations help me stay centered. I even start to feel an uplifting joy from writing to you.
All my issues haven’t become magically solved, but a space opened.
A space of possibilities, faith, and joy.
Such space is what I felt, jumping through the ring. Perhaps that space comes from “jumping into our life” with two feet, with a “full yes”.
The fun thing is that jumping creates a rush of energy and adrenaline in the body; choosing life as it presents itself is supposed to feel exciting.
So, friend, shall we jump?
I know we can do it!
The point might not be to make our problems disappear - other problems are probably already waiting in line...
Perhaps the point is to recognize the space of presence available to us at all times.
Problems will pass.
Space and presence will stay.
Much love
And wishing you a wonderful summer!
Cédric
